Top Questions to Ask Yourself Prior to Your Surrogacy Journey

Surrogacy is a great way for people to form their families. But a surrogacy journey can also be an emotional process that involves a lot of time and resources. In other words, surrogacy is not something to be taken lightly. Here are some top questions to ask yourself as you are weighing whether a surrogacy journey is right for you.

Have I explored all my family-building options?

Surrogacy is just one way for LGBTQ people, single people, and those struggling with infertility to start their families. Adoption and the foster care system are other amazing ways to become parents. Many people within the LGBTQ community are increasingly entering “parenting partnerships”—wherein queer men and queer women decide to have biological children together, and co-parent platonically. Still, others find they are satisfied with their roles as aunts or uncles or even mentors to children. It’s important to know these options exist—but you may very well decide, after weighing all these avenues, that surrogacy is still the best path forward for you.

Which type of surrogacy is best for me?

It’s important to do your research and understand how the surrogacy process works prior to starting. For instance, there are two types of surrogacy—traditional and gestational. In traditional surrogacy, your surrogate will be genetically related to your child. In gestational surrogacy, an egg donor will be used, meaning there will be no genetic ties between your surrogate and baby. Traditional surrogacy is less commonly practiced since it presents additional legal considerations—but it remains an option in many places

Do I have a financial plan in place to afford surrogacy?

Despite what you may have heard, you do not need to be a millionaire to afford surrogacy! But you do need to make smart financial decisions and come up with a plan to make sure you can afford a surrogacy journey—which often comes with a hefty price tag, costing as much as $125,000 to $200,000 in the United States. With careful planning and cost-cutting measures, however, many individuals and couples of moderate means can put their dream of parenthood via surrogacy within reach.

Do I know what kind of relationship I want with my surrogate?

Many intended parents find the relationship with their surrogate among the most rewarding parts of the surrogacy process. But it’s important to take some time at the outset of your journey to figure out what type of person you’d like to match with. How involved do you want to be in her pregnancy? How much contact do you want to have with her? Do you hope to visit her frequently if you live in a different country or state? Your answers to these questions will be important as your agency works to match you with a surrogate who will work well for you.

Am I prepared for the unknown?

Very few surrogacy journeys proceed without some sort of complication along the road—what your particular set of challenges might be can be very difficult to predict at the outset. Maybe it’ll take you longer than others to match with a surrogacy, for instance, or your preferred egg donor won’t pass her medical screenings. It’s important to start a surrogacy journey knowing that there is no typical journey and that you will very likely encounter some hiccups along the road.

Do I have a support system in place?

Surrogacy is an emotional process for everyone involved. It’s important to let friends and family members know about your surrogacy journey so they can be there for you in the event you need them for emotional support. As any parent via surrogacy will tell you, though, while the process is challenging, it’s also incredibly rewarding—and your life will be forever changed thanks to this beautiful family-building process.