Surrogacy: Fact vs. Fiction

Surrogacy is a safe, effective, and wonderful way for queer people to start their families—but there are many misconceptions, myths, and pieces of misinformation that surround the process. Below, we’re providing you with some of the most common myths you may encounter as you begin your research into surrogacy—followed by research-backed facts about the process to arm you with the best information possible.

Myth #1: Surrogacy is not “natural”

Some people believe that the process of surrogacy—as well as most advanced reproductive technologies—goes against the natural order of things, and is akin to “playing god.” People who think this way are of course entitled to their opinion. But they are not entitled to tell anyone else how to form their own families! For those who struggle to conceive children on their own, such as the LGBTQ community and people who struggle with infertility, surrogacy provides an incredible opportunity to become parents.

Myth #2: Children born to gay couples through surrogacy will suffer without a “mother”

Many LGBTQ couples, regardless of how they become parents, face this same misconception—that children somehow “need” to be raised by a mother and a father in order to thrive and become fully functioning adults. This notion is not only homophobic and heteronormative—it’s just plain false. Numerous pieces of research have found, time and again, that children raised by two moms or two dads are just as healthy and happy as those raised by parents of different genders. Moreover, many people who form their family through surrogacy choose to involve their surrogate and/or egg donor in the lives of their children. And just like heterosexual parents, children born via surrogacy often have a wide variety of other influences in their lives, including aunts, cousins, family friends, and more. As they say: it takes a village to raise a family! Children can receive love, care, and attention from plenty of people who are not their legal parents.

Myth #3: Surrogacy is only for rich gay men

On one hand, this misconception is understandable. From Neil Patrick Harris to Ricky Martin, there are many famous gay men who have used surrogacy to start their families. This is wonderful, but it also contributes to the impression that this family-building option is only accessible to the rich and the famous.

Still, let’s be clear: surrogacy is an expensive way to start one’s family, costing more than adoption or other family-building options. But with a solid financial plan, and cost-saving measures—such as pursuing surrogacy in countries where the procedure is still very safe and effective but more affordable—surrogacy can be accessible to parents of more modest means as well.

Myth #4: Surrogacy exploits low-income women

There is an ongoing misconception that the only reason a woman would conceivably want to become a surrogate is that she is poor and needs the money. This couldn’t be further from the truth. While there is very much a history of surrogacy exploiting low-income women in certain countries, in places where the industry is well-established and well-regulated, like the United States and Argentina, there are plenty of safeguards that help to protect against this reality. Among these is a thorough vetting process on the part of legitimate surrogacy agencies to ensure that the women who become surrogates aren’t overly reliant on the money—and have a genuine interest in helping others start their families. You can read more about some of the reasons why women become surrogates in this New York Times article.