Whose Sperm to Use for Surrogacy? A Guide for Gay Couples

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Fertilization via Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) is a delicate process that requires a highly qualified medical team and a top-notch embryology lab. During this process, an embryologist manually fertilizes one mature oocyte (M2) with a single, carefully selected sperm.  

For gay couples wishing to become parents, deciding whose sperm to use first is a crucial step that must be settled before planning an IVF cycle with donor eggs and a surrogacy journey in Colombia. Because two sperm samples cannot be injected into a single oocyte,and 2 embryos created with 2 different sperm samples cannot be transferred to one surrogate, this decision is foundational to moving forward.

The First Step: Medical Evaluation

The desire to become a parent grows over time, and once you feel ready, it is time to take the next step. This begins with medical testing to evaluate the quality of your biological material and ensure your parameters are suitable for IVF.  Medical tests include a sperm lab to check sperm concentration, motility, and morphology, also infection screening for HIV, Syphilis, Hepatitis B and C. and sperm DNA fragmentation rate. Karyotype and Carrier Genetic Screening tests would be great to do, since the last one helps to identify if you are a carrier of any Autosomal recessive mutations that could help further carefully plan the donor selection process. 

We highly recommend that both partners undergo the same tests and attend medical consultations together. This ensures both are confident and prepared for the medical planning process. This initial screening can define the shape of your entire journey. For example, despite your wish to be a biological parent, screening might reveal that you need additional treatment to improve your parameters, which could delay the process. Alternatively, you might find that everything is perfect, allowing you to start the donor selection process immediately. 

Communication and Partnership

Honest discussion between partners is key. You must agree on each step to ensure neither partner feels “left out” if their biological material is not used first. You might discuss using the other partner’s material for a future round of IVF. Conversely, your partner may be perfectly happy to co-parent without a biological connection, focusing instead on the excitement of the changes ahead.

Beyond biology, there is one difficult but necessary topic to raise: the “worst-case scenario.” You should discuss what would happen to the created embryos in the event of a separation. While it is a hard conversation to have, it is vital to know if you would continue the journey alone or stop the process.

The “Sibling Journey”

Some couples choose a sibling journey, where they start two separate surrogacy processes simultaneously to have two babies. In this case, each parent has their own biological child, and they raise both children together.  However, it is important to manage expectations. Because it is impossible to predict how each pregnancy will progress, there is often a gap between deliveries. While we do everything humanly possible to align the timelines, an age gap between the children is common. Prospective parents should ask themselves if they are prepared for this possibility.

The Bigger Picture

Surrogacy is not always easy; it has its ups and downs and requires patience and resilience. It is important to be prepared for the fact that it may take a few years before your baby arrives. Ultimately, once the child is delivered, the question of whose biological material was used often fades away. When you hold your newborn, you realize it was the right decision. Having worked in this field for over five years, we have seen many journeys. What stays with us most is the lasting connection we have with intended parents long after their babies are born. Seeing photos of growing children and sharing in those happy moments reminds us that while biology is a starting point, it is the emotional connection and joy of parenthood that truly matters.

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