Top Misconceptions About Families Formed Through Surrogacy

Surrogacy is a viable option for individuals and couples who are unable to conceive and carry a child on their own. Despite the growing acceptance of surrogacy, there are still many misconceptions surrounding people who choose to use surrogacy to start their families. It should go without saying that no one should be judged for their decision to start a family through surrogacy. But it is important for intended parents who go through the process to be prepared for some of the stereotypes many people hold about what surrogacy is and how it works.  Here are some of the top misconceptions about surrogacy—followed by the truth about them:

You did do surrogacy? You must be rich!

Surrogacy is not cheap—there’s no way around that. With so many celebrities, from Ricky Martin to Kim Kardashian, pursuing this family-building option, it’s easy to understand why people think you must be rich and famous to afford surrogacy. The truth is the bulk of intended parents are not fabulously wealthy. But they do spend years planning for their surrogacy journey. They create and stick to financial plans, take out loans, apply for grants, and figure out other cost-cutting ways to make their dream of biological parenthood a reality.

Surrogacy is selfish—why don’t you just adopt?

Everyone should be entitled to become biological parents if they so desire: it’s among the most innate facets of our humanity. However, some people believe if you are unlucky enough to not be able to become a biological parent the “natural” way (i.e. through a heterosexual relationship) then you should simply admit defeat and move on. Many people point to other family-building options, like adoption, as a better or more moral route to parenthood. However, this notion is based on the heteronormative idea that LGBTQ people aren’t entitled to pursue biological parenthood as well. It also lacks an understanding of the adoption process—which is a wonderful family-building option as well, but not one suited to all parents. At the end of the day, family planning is an intensely personal process—and really no one else’s business!

Surrogates are “mothers” to the children they carry

Surrogates will not be mothers to the children they carry, either genetically or legally. The most common form of surrogacy practiced today is gestational surrogacy—which means there is no genetic link between the surrogate and the child they carry. The embryo transferred to the surrogate will have been created with a donor egg, not the surrogates. Surrogacy contracts also ensure that the intended parents are the only legal parents to their child—and that the surrogate has no legal ties. Of course, some surrogates come to play important roles in the lives of the children they carry. Many maintain a relationship for years afterward. While this relationship is a unique and special one, it is not a mother-child relationship.

Surrogacy is illegal

Surrogacy laws vary widely across the world—with many countries outright banning the practice completely. However, if working with a reputable team of surrogacy professionals, intended parents will only be working in jurisdictions where the practice of surrogacy is very much legal and regulated. Even among countries where surrogacy is legal, however, the laws vary widely. As a result, it’s very important to work with a surrogacy lawyer who is very familiar with the laws in the country or jurisdiction where you pursue your journey.